His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
