I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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