I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
