doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
