I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
