I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
