just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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