When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
