don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
