I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
