Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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