if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
The feeling are messing with the penis
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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