You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Boobs speak an international language.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
