Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
