I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
