It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
