Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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