I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
