His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
This is the high leading the old right now
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
