Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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