Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
