I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
