Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
