hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
