OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
