Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
