so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
