so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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