I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
