From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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