Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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