:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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