Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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