Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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