His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
