theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
