dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
