I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
me + whiskey = a bad person
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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