I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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