ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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