i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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