I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
