You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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