Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
