JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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