If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
