haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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