lets start a swedish sibling band together
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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