He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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