Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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