Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
