I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
