he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
