So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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