the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
