At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
