If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
