dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
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