I heard we made out
I'm gonna have a badass scar
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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