plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
