I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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