Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize