They should really pass out barf bags in church
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
