The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
