Apparently you make a good broom.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Your cock deserves a montage
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
