it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
