i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
