yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
